sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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