ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
