nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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