My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
