How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
