is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
