I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
