im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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