dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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