your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
