I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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