you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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