I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
