even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
