I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
