I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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