Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
