that's an acceptable place to lick
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
