Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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