I am spending my child support on dildos
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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