Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
