Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
birth control should be required to get into college
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
