She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
