i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
