I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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