i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
