did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
