You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
