I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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