my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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