yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
