I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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