Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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