he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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