I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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