Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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