i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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