420 ftw
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize