Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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