The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
