Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
