I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
