Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My ass is underappreciated
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
