yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
