Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
