after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
