Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
