I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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