clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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