WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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