No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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