Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
