i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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