Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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