The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
