Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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