What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
