if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
