Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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