Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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