I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
