i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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