Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
